26 - The Statement of the Dharma of the Householder

Since the days of ancient Sutra and Smruti periods, the stage of house holder (Gruhasthåshrama) has been considered as the best Ashrama, as it is the support or source of all other Ashramas (Gautama III.3); also vide Manu (III. 77-78). Mbh. Shänti. (270.6-7) observes that like a mother, it helps other Ashramas to subsist; elsewhere (ibid.12.12) it states that it is equal in weight to all other Ashramas put together. Hence, Smrutis, Puranas, digests on Dharma Shastra deal in details with the duties of the house-holder. For example, Manu IV, Yajnavalkya I. 96-127, KP. II. Chs. 15 and 16, Mbh. Anushasana 97, SC. I. pp. 88-232.

Sanaka said: 

1. As long as the Vedas are being learned, he (the religious student) should remain with the preceptor, rendering service to him with purity invariably. After being permitted by him (to return to his house), he should take up the sacrificial fires. 

2. A twice-born person should study the Vedas, the Dharma-shastras (i.e., Smrutis, etc.) and the Vedangas (accessories to Vedic studies)2 and give Dakshina to the preceptor and then enter the householder's life. 

2. This shows that the course of studies of the twice-born emphasized 'Humanities', viz. the study of the Veda (of his particular Shakha) and its six accessories like phonetics, grammar, etymology (or Nirukta), Prosody and Astronomy (-cum-Astrology) and the Smrutis or Dharma-Shastra. Vocations and professions being hereditary, trades, commerce, technology or manual skills were learnt at their own homes, farms, work-shops or guilds.

3. A twice-born should marry a virgin who is endowed with good features and beauty, who is born of a good family, who possesses good qualities,3 whose conduct and habits are good and who practises righteous activities. 

3. Cf. Buddhi-rūpa-shila-lakshana-sampannām aroganim upayaccheta |

– Ashvalāyana Gr. S. I.5.3. 

Echoed in Apastamba Gr. S. III. 20.

Vätsyāyana quotes Ghotakamukha, “One should marry a girl who would give him a feeling of blessedness and compliments from his friends-Kama sutra III. 1-3.

4. The intelligent Brahmana should marry a girl beyond the seventh remove from his father and fifth remove from his mother; otherwise, he is on a par with the defiler of the preceptor's bed.4 

4. This restriction on Sapinda marriage is an echo of Narada Smruti (xii. 7 Gurumandal edt.): 

å saptamât pañchamac cha bandhubhyaḥ pitru-matrutah |

a-vivahyaḥ sagotrāḥ syuḥ samana-pravaras tathā ||

The restriction indicates that the NP, was not written by a Southerner among whom cross-cousin marriages have been in vogue (even among the Shishtas) as noted by Baudhayana Gt. S. I. 1.19-26. Southern writers on Dharma Shastra like Devanna Bhatta (SC.I. pp. 70-74) and Madhava (Parashara Madhaviya (I.2. pp. 63-68) stoutly defend and support marriage with maternal uncle's daughter.

5. A sensible man should not marry a girl who is sickly, whose eyes are round, who is born in a family of ailing persons (i.e., with unhealthy heredity), who has too much of hair or who has no hair at all or who is garrulous.5 

5. VV.5-14 enumerate the defects of girls and advises against marrying them. A reference to Manu (III.8 and 10), Vishnu Dh. S. (24. 12-16), VP. III. 10.18-22 etc. shows that there was a consensus about the doshas (defects) to be avoided in selecting a girl. Strangely enough, NP. does not quote from the Narada Smruti where the defects of girls are described (Stri-pum-samyoga 36) but echoes VP.III.10.16-22 quoting lines and phrases.

6. A wise person should not marry a girl who is hot tempered, too short or too tall (in stature), who is wanting in any limb, who has an extra limb (i.e., physically handicapped or abnormal), who is mad, or slanderous. 

7. One should not marry a girl with heavy, big ankles or long shanks or has masculine features with traces of moustache and beard and is hunchbacked. 

8. A prudent person should not marry a girl who laughs without reason, who stays in others' houses always, is habitually contentious, wayward and ruthless. 

9. A sensible man should not marry a voracious girl, whose teeth and lips are too large and thick, who snorts and grumbles, who is very dark or red in complexion, or who is cunning and mischievous. 

10. One should not marry a girl who is always given to weeping, is of pallid complexion, who is despicable, a chronic patient of cough and Asthma or of somnolent nature. 

11. A sagacious man should not marry a girl who habitually speaks worthless and meaningless words who is interested in antagonizing the world, who is in the habit of scandalising others or is a thief. 

12. A worldly-wise man should by no means marry a girl whose nose is too long, who is a liar and a cheat, whose body is covered with hair, who is arrogant or a religious hypocrite. 

13. If the marriage had taken place during childhood when the real nature had not been realised and if her defect is realized after maturity, he should by all means forsake her.6

6. VV. 13 and 14 allow a husband to forsake his wife under certain circumstances. 

But that is not a divorce vinculo matrimonii was not known to Hindu society in ancient and medieval times, though some low-castes had this custom.

14. If any woman is always harsh and ruthless to the husband and children but is favourably disposed towards others, he (the husband) should by all means forsake her. 

15. O excellent sage, it should be known that marriages are of eight types such as the Brāhma,7 etc. The previous one should be understood to be better than the latter one; if the preceding form of marriage is not possible the latter one may be adopted. 

7. VV. 15-18 describe the eight forms of marriage. They are: Brahma, Daiva, Arsha, Prajapatya, Asura, Gandharva, Rakshasa and Paishacha. These are mentioned in Gruhya Sūtras, Dharma Sūtras, Smrutis and Puranas (e.g., Ashvalayana Gr. S. I. 6, Baudhayana Dh. s. I. 11, Manu III. 21, Narada Smruti Stri-Pum-38-39, VP.III.10-24).

It is significant to note that NP. differs from the Narada Smruti in the arrangement of the list of these forms and follows the VP. 

The Narada Smruti gives the following order of the forms of marriage: Brahma, Prajapatya, Arsha, Daiva, Gandharva, Asura, Rakshasa and Paishacha. NP. quotes VP.III.10.24. This further brings out the difference that the Smruti approves of the first four forms as dharmya (sanctioned by or acceptable to Dharma) but NP. calls Prajapatya as censurable (vide verse 18). It indicates that Narada, the writer of the Smruti is not the author of the NP. who differs from him in many important respects? 

The description of the forms of marriage is given in Manu III. 27-34 and there is a general consensus on the characteristics of these forms of marriage which may be briefly indicated here. 

(1) Brahma: A daughter decked with ornaments is gifted to a Vedic scholar of good conduct after respectfully inviting him.

(2) Daiva: A daughter duly ornamented is given to a priest who officiates the performance of one's sacrifice (Baudhayana I. 11.5 and Aparårka regards the girl as a part of dakshina.

(3) Arsha: Gift of a daughter in formal exchange of one or two pairs of cattle. (This is not a sale or barter but a legal formality).

(4) Prajapatya: The gift of a daughter after duly honouring the boy (bride-groom) and addressing the couple, "May both of you practice religion”.

(5) Asura: Gift of a daughter in return for payment of maximum wealth to her and to her relatives.

(6) Gandharva: Love-marriage. Marriage by the mutual consent of the girl and the bride-groom.

(7) Rakshasa: Forcible abduction of a girl from her house while she weeps and cries and her kinsmen are defeated.

(8) Paishacha: Intercourse with a girl while she is asleep, intoxicated, unconscious or mentally deranged.

16. The eight types of marriages are: the Brahma, Daiva, Arsha, Prajapatya, Asura, Gandharva, Rakshasa and Paishacha which is considered the eighth one. 

17. O Brahmana, an excellent Brahmana should be united in wedlock by means of the Brahma form of marriage or by means of Daiva type. Some recommend the Arsha type also. 

18. O Brahmana, the five types of marriage beginning with the Prajapatya are censurable. If the earlier types are not possible, (then only) a wise person should adopt the latter ones. 

19. (After marriage) he should wear two sacred threads, the upper garment and two golden ear-rings. The two clothes (he wears) should be well washed and white. 

20. He should smear his limbs with unguents. Hair and nails must be well cut. He should remain pure and clean. He shall hold a bamboo stick and a Kamandalu filled with water. 

21. He should appear neat and pleasing. He should put on a clean turban, an umbrella and two neat sandals or shoes. He should wear flower garlands too and apply sweet scents. 

22. He should regularly read and study the Vedas and maintain the religious and prescribed (or conventional) conduct of life. He should not subsist on others' food. He should avoid rumour-mongering. 

23. He should not keep one leg mounted over another nor should he step across the leavings of food. He should not scratch his head with the combined pair of his hands.8 

8. The prescriptive and prohibitive rules of conduct in these verses (VV.23ff) reflect the then social tastes and etiquettes and as such are interesting from the sociological point of view. Some of these etiquettes and beliefs have survived till our times for over a millenium or so.

24-25. A twice-born person should not go anticlockwise round a temple worthy of worship. He should not keep his tresses untied during the worship of deities, Achamana rites, ablutions and Shraddha and other holy rites. Nor shall he be in a single cloth on these occasions. He should not ride in a vehicle drawn by a camel and he should avoid vain and groundless arguments. 

26. He should not carnally approach another man's wife, and should avoid backbiting. O Brahmana, he should never go anticlockwise round cows, holy fig-trees, fire and mountains. 

27. Nor should he go round the four-cross roads, a holy fig-tree standing on a sacred spot, a natural lake or a king, in that manner. He should avoid jealousy, rivalry and diurnal slumber. 

28. He should not speak about other men's sins nor should he boast about his own merit. (He should not reveal his merit). He should keep his own name, the constellation (at the time of his birth) star and honour well-protected. 

29. A twice-born should never live in the company of wicked men nor should he pay heed to anything contrary to the scriptural texts. He should never be interested in wine drinking, gambling and low music. 

30. If he touches a wet bone, leavings of food, a Shudra, a fallen man, a serpent or a dog, he should bathe along with the clothes he is wearing. 

31. After touching the funeral pyre, a piece of wood there on, the sacrificial pole, a Chandāla and a professional worshipper of idols, he should plunge into water along with the clothes he is wearing. 

32. The shadow of the lamp, cot or a body (one's own body?), the water dripping from the hair, clothes, or a mat and the dust particles kicked up by a goat or a cat or blown off from a broom-all these remove auspicious fortune. 

33. One should avoid even from a distance, the wind from the winnowing basket, the smoke from the burning corpse, eating the cooked food of a Shudra and the contact with the paramour of a Shudra woman. 

34. He should always avoid musing over heterodox doctrines, biting the nail and hair and going to sleep in a nude state. 

35. He should not apply over the body the oil that is left over after applying on the head; he should not chew unclean betel leaves; he should not wake up a sleeping person. 

36. No unclean person should perform rites in (sacrificial) fire or worship the preceptor and deities. No one should drink water with the left hand only applied to the mouth. 

37. O leading sage, no one should tread on the shadow of his preceptor, nor should one transgress the command of his preceptor or censure the Yogins, the Brahmanas, the ascetics and those who observe sacred vows. 

38. Brahmanas should not expose or speak of mutual defects and weaknesses. He should duly perform the sacrifice on the new moon and full moon days. 

39. The worship and Homa should be performed by the twice-born both in the morning and evening. He who eschews Upasana (worship) is called a wine-addict by the learned. 

40. A twice born house-holder should perform Shraddha9 during the tropical10 and equinotical transit11 of the sun, the four Yugādi12 days, the new moon day and the Pretapaksha (the fortnight of the dead i.e., the dark half of Bhadrapada). 

9. Verses 40-42 state the days and the times when Shraddha should be performed. Here what were treated auspicious for dana in ch. 25 above are recommended for Shraddha:

10. Ayana days: 

Days marking the beginning of the summer and winter solstice. Vishuva days: 

11. Vishuva days 

The first point of Arias or Libra into which the sun enters at the vernal or autumnal equinox. Days marking these entries of the sun are called Vishuva days.

12. Yugadi days-vide supra I.25.50-51.

41. O Narada, a householder should perform Shraddha on the Manvādi13 days, on the day of death, during the Ashtaka days* (of the parents, etc.) and after the newly harvested grain had been brought home.

13. Manvādi days-vide Supra I. 25.52-55. 

Ashtaka days--vide footnote to the verse.

*7th, 8th, 9th beginning from the seventh day after the full moon day or the 8th day of the dark half of Margashirsha, Pausha and Magha on which Manes are to be propitiated). (HD, IV, p. 354).

42. A householder should perform Shraddha, when a person well-versed in the Vedas visits the house, during the lunar and the solar eclipses and in holy centres and at pools of sacred waters. 

43. If performed without the Urddhva pundra (the vertical castemark on the forehead) the Yajnas, Danas, (charitable gifts), austerities, Homa, study of the Vedas and the Tarpana rite to the manes become futile. 

44. Some people do not like to have Urddhva pundra and Tulasi at the time of Shråddha,14 It is a futile convention and hence, it should be avoided by the Brahmanas who seek welfare. 

14. The Smrutyarthasara prescribes that Tulasi should be avoided at the time of Shraddha. Devanna Bhatta notes it in SC. Shraddha, p. 433, but he remarks that this dictum of prohibiting Tulasi in Shraddha has no basis in Smrutis (prasiddha-Smruti-samucchayeshu Tulasi-nishedhasyadarshanåt|

45. All these and similar holy rites enjoined in the path of Smrutis shall be performed by the twice-born duly. They bestow the benefits of all holy rites. 

46. Vishnu is pleased with those who are devoted to the conduct of good people. O excellent Brahmana, what is it that cannot be achieved if Vishnu is pleased.