Śāṇḍilī and Sumanā: A Wife's Dharma

This dialogue is told by Bhīshma in the Anuśāsana Parva of the Mahābhārata. Yudhishṭhira asks him about the right conduct of good women. Bhīshma answers with the meeting of Sumanā, daughter of the Kekaya king, and Śāṇḍilī in devaloka. Śāṇḍilī says that she did not reach her high state by tapas (austerity), dāna (giving) or renunciation. She reached it by strī-dharma, the dharma of a wife: steady devotion to her husband, her husband’s parents, the devas and the pitṛs (ancestors).

Sumanā’s question

Yudhishṭhira asked Bhīshma to describe the sadācāra (right conduct) of women of excellent character, since Bhīshma is foremost among those who know all dharma. Bhīshma answered with an account of Śāṇḍilī. She knows all tattvas (truths), lives in devaloka and is full of ābhimāna (dignified self-respect). Sumanā, the daughter of the Kekaya king, once asked her directly:

“O auspicious one, by what conduct, by what excellent way of life, have you thrown off all pāpa (sin) and come to devaloka? You blaze like a flame with your own tejas (radiance), and you shine in your beauty like the very child of the moon. You have come here untouched by age, seated in a vimāna (a heavenly chariot), shining with a thousand times the usual good marks. This cannot have come from some small measure of tapas, dāna or niyama (discipline). Tell me the truth of it.”

Śāṇḍilī’s answer

Śāṇḍilī smiled sweetly and answered, in words both sweet and full.

She did not reach the state of a devī by wearing ochre robes (kāshāya) or nāra cloth, by shaving her head or by wearing matted hair (jaṭā).
She never, even in a moment of forgetting herself, spoke words about her husband that were ahita (harmful) or parusha (harsh).
She was always careful, never careless, in the worship of the devas, the pitṛs and the brāhmaṇas, and she always obeyed her father-in-law and her mother-in-law.
She never took part in caḍī (slander and gossip). It never even stirred in her mind. She never stood on a wrong path and never spent long hours in useless talk.
She never mocked her husband’s faults, even as a joke. She never did anything harmful to him by her deeds. She never told others of her husband’s private conduct, whether it was secret or even something that deserved blame.
When her husband came home from a journey made for some purpose, she seated him with full honour and served him with an undistracted mind.
Any food, delicacy, edible or lickable preparation (anna, bhojya, bhakshya, lehya) that her husband disliked, she gave up completely herself.
Even for the needs of the house she rose before dawn and did whatever had to be done with her own hands.
When her husband was away on business in another land, she stayed restrained, wearing only the maṅgala-sūtra (the sacred thread of marriage), and did not put on the many other auspicious ornaments she might have worn.
When her husband was away from home she took no pleasure in applying kohl (kajjala) or gorochana, in bathing for adornment, in wearing garlands, in anointing herself with ointments or in other adornments.
However urgent the needs of the house, she never woke her husband from sound sleep. This alone fully satisfied her mind.
However pressing the needs of the house, she never tired her husband with them. She never exposed the hidden difficulties of the household, and she kept the home scrupulously clean.

Śāṇḍilī ended by saying that a woman who guards this path of dharma with a focused mind shines gloriously in svarga-loka, just as Arundhatī does among women.

Conclusion

Śāṇḍilī Devī, a tapasvinī (woman of austerity), taught Sumanā this dharma of a wife towards her husband and then vanished from sight. Bhīshma tells Yudhishṭhira that whoever recites this short kathā (account) at every parva (the turning days of the month) reaches devaloka and lives happily in the Nandana grove.

Sources

Mahābhārata, Anuśāsana Parva, Chapter 123