Ātman, the Imperishable Self: Comfort in Grief

Bāndhava-samāśvāsana, simply known as Bandhava Samashvasana, Sanskrit: बान्धव-समाश्वासन, Telugu: బాంధవ సమాశ్వాసనం, Hindi: बांधव-समाश्वासन.

Chapter 78 of the second part (Dvitīya Khaṇḍa) of the Vishṇu Dharmottara Purāṇa is called the Bāndhava-samāśvāsana, “the comforting of relatives”. It is a teaching for those who are grieving after a death. Its subject is the eternal nature of the ātman, the true self or soul.

In what it says and how it says it, this chapter is very close to the teachings of the Bhagavad Gītā (especially its second and third chapters) and the Kaṭha Upanishad. It presents the Vaishṇava understanding that the ātman lasts forever as the ground for true comfort.

The Setting

Chapters 76 and 77 give the full teaching on antyeshṭi, the last rites (cremation and śrāddha). After this, the teacher Pushkara turns to a deeper question. When a person has done all the rites that are laid down, how should they deal with the feeling of grief? The outer rites are done and the duties of dharma are fulfilled, but the grief remains. Chapter 78 gives the teaching that alone can truly comfort.

The Heart of the Teaching: The Ātman Is Never Born and Never Dies

The main teaching is given at the very start. The self (ātman) that lived in the body of the one who has died has not been destroyed. The body was the vehicle, not the person. The person, the aware and knowing self, is of a completely different nature:

Ajanman (unborn): the ātman was never made; it has no beginning.
Avināśin (imperishable): it cannot be destroyed; it has no end.
Nitya (eternal): it exists beyond time.
Sarvagatam (all-pervading): it is not held in one place; it cannot be shut up in, or destroyed with, a single body.

The body is described as a vastra (garment) that the ātman wears for one lifetime and then puts aside when it is worn out. Death is not the end of the person. It is a taking off of clothes; the ātman goes on.

The Mistake inside Grief

Pushkara accepts that grief is natural. The love that gives rise to grief is real and in keeping with dharma; it is not wrong to love. But grief that rests on the belief that the one who died has been wiped out is grief rooted in a mistake of understanding. When this mistake is corrected, and one truly understands that the ātman has not been destroyed, has not suffered, and goes on with its journey, the feeling itself changes. What remains is a purified love and a wish for the ātman’s further progress, not the torment of believing that love has been cut off forever.

The Example of Sleep

Pushkara uses the example of deep sleep. Every night the aware person draws back from the waking world. In deep sleep there is no sense of the body, no experience through the senses, no thinking. Yet we do not mourn this daily “death” of awareness, because we know the person will wake again in the morning. Death is a deeper form of the same drawing back. The difference is that the waking does not happen in the same body. But the waking does happen.

Kṛshṇa’s Teaching Recalled

The chapter clearly refers to the same teaching that Bhagavān Kṛshṇa gave to Arjuna:

nainaṃ chindanti śastrāṇi

Weapons do not cut this ātman; fire does not burn it; water does not wet it; wind does not dry it. This teaching for all people is the firm ground of the Vaishṇava response to grief.

Living with Grief

After giving the truth, Pushkara gives practical guidance for how to carry oneself through grief:

Keep up all one’s daily practices of dharma. Keeping the daily routine going is itself a source of steadiness.
Perform the śrāddhas (rites for the departed) that are laid down with love rather than as a mechanical duty. They are acts of an ongoing relationship with the ātman who has gone.
Deepen Vishṇu-bhakti (devotion to Vishṇu). Turning to Bhagavān Vishṇu draws the mind away from loss and toward the unchanging source of all love.
Speak of the one who has gone with honour and gratitude. Their good qualities live on in one’s memory and in the results of their good deeds.

Sources

Vishṇu Dharmottara Purāṇa, Uttarārdha (Dvitīya Khaṇḍa), Chapter 78